Monday, August 5, 2013

No News Is Good News Lately

It has been raining here for 38 days and 38 nights.  I left the windows down on the ark, and it's full of water.  I can't find where I have a drain plug in these blueprints -- but they're in Hebrew anyway.  I can’t remember a summer quite like this one.  Temperatures have been below average, generally.  The prior two years were below average in rainfall and, last year especially, very hot.  June, usually our wettest month, was a little drier than normal but July has more than made up for it. 

We are about a month off.  Spring was late.  We had snow during the first week of May ...   

I know!  The earth is slowing down.  If we don't throw Fat Albert Gore off the planet, we're going to spiral down into the sun!  We’re all going to die!  

And perhaps we should.   

Because of the continuing rain, I stayed up to watch the local news last night.  I rather wish I had skipped it.  First there was a story about a presidential photo op with some girls who had won something, maybe an NCAA championship in some sport, possibly having to do with curling irons.  A couple of the girls made “bunny ears” behind Obama’s back.  This was a big story – I suppose it was meant to be amusing – pitched as the “latest scandal”.  It ended up mocking the several real scandals, and the news gave more time to this non-story than they have given to Benghazi and Fast and Furious combined.

I would also add that they were never “bunny ears” in our day.  They were devil horns.  What a bunch of PC wimps. 

The second reason I regretted watching the news was a story about children who are “not ready for kindergarten”.  I thought kindergarten was supposed to get a child ready for school.  (People without kindergarten or Head Start or pre-school went to the Moon, with less computing power than is in a smart phone.)  The story was pitched like it was one of the ten plagues of Egypt.  It was dire.  Doom looms.  Of course, the government has an answer.  By employing otherwise unemployable, useless, overweight women, our children may be saved from the cruel fate of remedial nap-time.  Yes, we will steal your children from your breast and begin their indoctrination education while they yet babble incoherently.  They will be delivered from the curse of right-wing family values and taught to recite their rights to abortion, alternate lifestyles, and hygienic piercing, as well as the pledge to Satan -- and lubed condoms for all.

Next time, I think I’ll just look out the window to see if the rain has stopped.


  1. About that rain. I'm loving it. This year has been so nice. No 4 to 6 week drought like we usually get in July or August. Pastures are green and the sheep can't keep up. Maybe this is what living in England is like. I hope it's a permanent change, or a 40 year trend, which would be sufficient.

  2. That's a good point, most likely forty years is indistinguishable from forever as far as we are concerned in this world.

    It really is nice. We got under a downpour yesterday, about four inches in a couple of hours. If I have time I'll put up a picture of my driveway.