Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Attack of the Killer Cows

Christopher Ingraham writes for the Washington Post about the animals most likely to kill you this summer.

Oddly, he did not include East St. Louis primates in his cool chart, which you can see at the link.  However, Ingraham does say that -- on average over the past decade or so, sharks kill one person per year, as do alligators and bears.  Snakes account for about six humans in a year while spiders take out about seven.  I'm still trying to figure out how "non-venomous arthropods", e.g., ants, kill someone.  I suppose it is some kind of allergic reaction.  Fire ants, I can certainly understand.  Those things are pure evil.  Meanwhile, anaphylactic shock from the stings of bees, wasps and hornets are fatal to an average of 58 people per year.

In the miscellaneous animal category, pigs, horses, deer, and killer rabbits (for those old enough to remember Jimmy Carter) add 52 annual deaths to the total.  Ingraham suggests that many of the deaths in the miscellaneous category are a result of Vehicular encounters with Bambi, Babe, or Thumper are excluded from this count -- thank you, John, for that correction.

The mean annual number of deaths attributed to dogs is 28.  Sadly, I can't help thinking that most of those are probably smaller children.

Cows rack up an average of 20 humans each year.  I'm sure it was higher in the past.  It used to happen almost every week on "Rawhide". 


  1. That's not too many, given there are 300,000,000+ of us out there as potential targets. Not complaining, mind you.

    Small point, I believe the 52 miscellaneous are non-vehicular homicides. The flying pigs through the windshield get tallied in another chart, if I understood him correctly.

  2. Cows can be downright mean. I knew this even before I read Man Eating Cow:

    Which is pretty funny, BTW. Not as funny as The Tick, but close.

  3. What the age-level on Man Eating Cow? I may have to check that out.

    You are right, John. I read it backwards. Fixed.

  4. It's been awhile since I read it, but IIRC it's for teens and above. Nothing reslly gruesome in it. Man eating Cow only eats bad guys, so I guess that would sort of make her a bovine version of the Punisher, except the Punisher doesn't eat bad guys, he just kills them.

    Much Like The Tick and Paul the Samurai, it's mostly a very funny parody of superhero comics.

  5. OK, sounds good. I'm in the process of schooling the older grandson (11) on the finer points of humor and having fun. This sounds like it might fit in.

  6. Ah, in that case I recommend The Tick first. Man-eating Cow, Paul the Samurai and the Chainsaw Vigilante, as well as a lot of other fun and interesting characters appear first in The Tick, then they got their own spin-offs later.

    I discovered The Tick back in the 90's, but it is still some of the funniest stuff I have read.