Life Off the Edge

 I received a knife and stuff catalog in the mail today.  They have a lot of self-protection items -- stun guns and pepper spray.  Since my granddaughter will be going to college this fall, I was thinking about items she might be able to carry for self-defense.  We are sending her to a class in April.

Anyway, I often see knives of certain types with a blurb that says "No Ship to CA, NY, MA".  The list of states varies.  Even here in a relatively sensible state, there are knives and weapons I can own but which would get me in trouble if I carried them.  I think this is stupid, but it's generally not too restrictive.

Check this out -- stun guns:  "No Ship to HI, MA, MI, NJ, NY, RI, WI, PA".  Seven states do not want women to have so much as the benefit of what amounts to a cattle prod in case they are attacked.  My understanding about stun guns -- based on the opinions of people who know more than I do -- is that they are next to useless.  Tasers are very effective.  Stun guns just make people mad.  OK, so maybe that's part of it.  I doubt it.

Impact baton:  "No Ship to CA, MA, NY, NJ, PA".  Remember that scene in "Lonesome Dove" where Captain Caul (Tommy Lee Jones) takes his quirt to the rude Army Scout who is trying to commandeer Newt's horse?  A collapsible baton is about like that.  If you were attacked, it is not a bad impact weapon, if you have room to use it, and if your attacker has no room to run.  But, really, couldn't we say the same of a good, stout hickory limb?

Mace is illegal, apparently, in DC, MA, NY, HI, MI, WI, NJ.  People can probably get mace and pepper spray with a permit or something -- I mean, if they really need it.

Double-edged daggers cannot be sold to customers in CA, MA, NJ, or NH (live free but only with one sharp edge). Looks like some -- but not all -- are also illegal in Arkansas -- maybe a length issue.   Trench knives -- with knuckledusters, on the other hand, are banned in NY and DE, in addition to the usual suspects of CA and MA.  Does any of this make sense?

Looks like you may need state permission to purchase a BB-gun in CA, MA, and NY, because -- all together now -- 'You'll shoot your eye out!'

And so it goes.  Any kind of assisted opening knife cannot be legally owned by residents of New York City lest they drink too much soda and start re-enacting "West Side Story".

Gentlemanly sword canes are forbidden in CA, MA, and NY, likely related to the extinction of gentlemen in those bastions of the safety dance.   

Finally there is an item called a "Full-Metal Core Cedar Tire Thumper".  It's 19" long, and looks something like a cut-down baseball bat.  Apparently they drilled out the center and stuck in a piece of rebar or something -- instead of cork.  It is illegal to sell such a stick to the grateful subjects of CA, MA, NY, NJ, and PA.

Why would this "tire-thumper" be more dangerous than an aluminum baseball bat?  Why would it be more dangerous than an 18" piece of pipe from Home Depot?  I can almost guarantee that I have chunks of dried and seasoned cedar laying on the ground around here that would split a person's skull with or without a chewy lead center.

When all you have is a lawmaker, everything looks like a crime.